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Macca's Pub Thread (NEW drink specials!)

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Last post 12/05/2018

Posted by jl4761

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      A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

        oobu24:A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

        A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

        The screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

          A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender.

          The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia.

          The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves." (grammar jokes...gotta love 'em. )

            A peanut walks into a bar .... looking a bit beat up ...

            Bartender: What happened to you?
            Peanut: I was a salted.

              A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

                A string walks into a bar.

                He asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender replies "Sorry we don't serve strings". So the string leaves.

                The next day, the same string walks back into the bar. He asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender replies "Sorry we do not serve strings, please go away."

                The following day the string stands outside the bar debating about whether to go in or not. He ties himself in a knot and frays the bottom of the string.

                He goes in and asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender replies "Hey aren't you that string that's been coming in here all the time."

                They string replies "No I'm a frayed knot".

                  For those wondering who the cook in the Macca's Pub kitchen is, here you go:

                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5opKlp7f3ZE&feature=relmfu

                  "The beautiful singsong of these night birds is really killing the vibe, man."

                    E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors..."

                      If we're going to be posting good bar jokes, two things need to happen.

                      1. I need to crack open a beer. Done.

                      2. Paul's bar joke needs to be posted.

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQjM5qsVryw

                      Done.

                        An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
                        The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
                        So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

                        The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

                        The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.

                        The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
                        Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

                        Then one week he came in and ordered only two.
                        He drank them and then ordered two more.
                        The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

                        The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."

                                It's Friday night! Who needs a pick-me-up?

                                  A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer

                                  Bartender: Sorry we don't serve mushrooms
                                  Mushroom: Why? I'm a fun guy

                                    The_Fool:A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer

                                    Bartender: Sorry we don't serve mushrooms
                                    Mushroom: Why? I'm a fun guy

                                    A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar, "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

                                    The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

                                    The drunk's wife greets them at the door. "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

                                      Thanks for the laughs
                                      Or are any these really funny ..... maybe it is just the beer talking

                                      Here is to how the threads are going

                                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueBUFUWSXHs

                                      Plus it wakes a few people up

                                        The_Fool:A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer

                                        Bartender: Sorry we don't serve mushrooms
                                        Mushroom: Why? I'm a fun guy

                                        LOL! fun guy!

                                          The_Fool:Thanks for the laughs
                                          Or are any these really funny ..... maybe it is just the beer talking

                                          A distinct possibility that the alcohol has taken over.

                                          For those who are in Red Sox Nation, a great song to enjoy while sipping some Macca's Pub beer:

                                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw

                                            Did you ever have to use the restroom and they put names outside the door -
                                            like"

                                            Clankers and Cloobles .....

                                            and the little wooden cut outs don't help ....
                                            you don't see anyone coming out for a clue ...

                                            and you wonder ....
                                            which one am I ?

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