my stuff ...
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DO YOU SOMETIMES THINK ... hiya, i'm back and i just found some old poem i have written around 2001 i guess, for someone i loved very dearly but who would not believe in himself. he was taking a lot of drugs at the time and it was pretty hard for both of us. sadly, our way have parted and i do not know where he is now --- somewhere in southern england i suppose --- but i DO remember the time we had together, and - reading this [rather long] poem - it comes back a bit. maybe you know someone like that as well, or feel as i have done. (pardon my english, it's not my native language) do you sometimes think the world is a useless place to be and you feel you?re so damn sure that everything you do leads to nothing ? no results whatever you do wherever you go it?s always the same nothing ever changes pointless, your struggles waste of time, your aims you?ll never reach them you fall back on the level that you started from you?re going round in circles it drives you absolutely mad it makes you unbelievably sad what?s the point in everything you question the answers the answers to questions you never asked you never thought of and never will cause you?re so blind cause you?re so deaf you don?t see the beauty of life from your shadowed little corner you don?t hear the music of life from inside that deep black hole you?re surrounded by light beams you?re like the sweetest melody you just don?t know it but that?s what you are to me you?re the victim of your attitude you?re the prisoner of your mind you drag yourself into darkness and leave your soul behind you don?t believe in miracles you don?t believe in love no wonder ? no one told you to have faith in things dreamed of why do you never reach your aim why don?t you even try who said you have to reach that aim who told you that and why not everything is possible and all your hopes are broken by wanting the impossible and getting none instead and losing what you had before you started hoping that?s what it looks like, don't it that?s what it seems to you cause when you are a victim there?s nothing you can do who made you feel so helpless who took all strength from you who took your dreams did you have dreams who made you feel so blue there?s no one else to blame but you and you alone cause no one else could take from you what you don?t own you are no victim, are you and deep inside you know it you just have to believe it now it?s the time to show it poet you are unique, you?re wonderful you are so very strong you?re full of life enjoy your life there is no reason to be blue there?s people who believe in you and surely they?re not wrong who told you, you can?t manage things it?s rubbish what they say who told you to be different and not be who you are don?t let them lead your heart astray don?t let them take your soul away i love you just the way you are they cannot know they are not you and deep inside they envy you for what you have for what you are your strength, your will your lucky star your hope, your love your trust, your faith your happiness for me it is an honour to put my trust in you and if i had one wish on earth i?d wish that i were you ---------------------- bb jj
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i just found another -- also from 2001 bear with me, i am one hopeless idealist In my dreams I live a life Funny as it seems The things I do in real life Are pointless in my dreams It?s not about what I would be Had I got the chance To turn dreams into reality And live an endless dance It?s more about the whole wide world That?s different in my dreams It?s peaceful, loving and complete Naive as it seems I am a child and yet too grown To cope with ugly things Like hate and war and poisoned minds And everything it brings My world is different from that shit My world will always be The open home to everyone Who shares that dream with me I know I cannot change the world Cause people like it bad And love destroying everything And anything they hate My mission on this earth is love My world must start to be Brought out of all my happy dreams Into reality I hope it?s not too late by now To give out what I learned By looking deep inside my heart And saw for what it yearned I see that yearning in you too It shows in your sad eyes You?re looking for warm love and not For bitterness and lies But lies is what you get from them Cause they don't want to show What they are really feeling Cause it would hurt them so When you are honest you get hurt Cause you reveal yourself To other people who might not Be qualified to help The winner lives, the loser dies At least, well, mentally And in this world of lies the truth Will also cease to be Oh yes it is a lovely place The earth we walk upon The place we turn into a grave If we just carried on My world is different, it's reverse The loser is the star Cause in his heart he'll always be The enemy of war There are so many like him though So many who are lost But just look closer and of all Those you will love the most It is no big deal to get hurt When you are full of love You'll turn mistreatment into strength And stand so high above It's always there in everyone That love that is the cure For broken worlds, for broken minds For broken dreams for sure Why no one bothers I don't know I only know they should Cause they and me should be a 'we' To live the best we could Am I the only little girl That worries about that I want to be a happy girl But this shit makes me sad What's so damn hard about giving away A smile, a laugh, a kiss Without expecting a reward For what you'd hardly miss They wouldn't, would they, miss a smile That they exchange with me But as a loser I'm not worth it put down, I am, for free And all this hate, revenge and fear It drives me up the wall And in my raving agony I am the worst of all I hide away, I have a dream And careful as I seem The end of it, my sacred world Will stay a fucking dream I might be crazy, might be mad I might be angry, might be sad About the way some people are So superficial, so bizarre But love's my mission, here and now To wake up everyone To be the first to take that step To do what must be done I would succeed at first attempt If only they would want To try to see what's going wrong But, well, I think they don't If only shallow, mindless words Were, before spoken, thought of If only hate that fills those hearts Could be replaced by love I know it's not a perfect world Not even in my dream But if you whisper words of love No fear will make you scream A choice could change their life at once Like me they could be free They'd only have to admit what They truly want to be But it's so hard to open up They fear they'd get misused Because they do it all the time To others they accused Of being weak, of being strange They do not understand That weakness is no fault at all It's hard to comprehend The losers they look down to still Seem strange and worlds away But deep inside they don't know yet They want to be that way It's weak to show emotions, well That's what they're thinking of But soon enough they realize What they are missing ? LOVE Don't get like them, don't build up walls They crash down in the end There's things that might be worth a try And you will understand You might get hurt, you might get lost You might not want to live But love's the only thing you'll get More of, the more you give. -------------------------- oh my, those sleepless night really push some creative buttons. the trouble is once i start i cannot stop - no matter how cheesy it gets --- but i still mean it - what i said then - in me early 20s bb jj thanks for reading, by the way x
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for s. Amazing what this love can do Amazing that there?s me and you So locked up in each other's heart So close together, so apart So crazy and so down to earth So much aware of what it?s worth So knowing and so awful blind So wilful and yet ? oh so kind So absolutely caught in feeling So lost, so found, so scared of healing So changed and yet the same as ever No chance and yet in love forever So different and so much the same So rich in thought we both became So often thinking, deeply caring So lost our minds, so highly daring So happy and so dreadful sad So much the same way that it?s mad So full of love that logic?s erased For the rest of my life I'll be amazed hugs jj x
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Give me some music Some heavenly tunes And you?ll see me flying Maybe I'm still lying On my bed of wild flowers Through sun, and through showers Where no one is crying And fantasy blooms Give me some rhythm Some sound from above And you'll be my guide Forever by my side Where all love was hidden And hope was forbidden There's nothing more to hide Cause music is love hugs jj x (2001)
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waters (2000) Waters ? wild and deep Waters ? black waves Waters ? rolling power Coming all over me I feel like drowning When I close my eyes They drag me down They toss me round and round They wouldn?t let go It scares me So much ? they might never Disappear I can hardly see the sun From deep down It's all black around me Water gets into my Lungs I can't breathe Feel like being strangled Like a wave turned into Two big hands Heavenly feeling I lose my mind I cannot think I'm drowning in you I'm tumbling in waters I'm dancing at least I'm no fighter But I want to live Those waters won't be black Forever Lit up by sunlight One day It's no death It's a change From air to water Eternal elements I'm caught up in But still it's all dark and Strong around me When I close my eyes I get frightened I might never Open them again How can I fly away With such heavy weight I'll come shooting up Like Phoenix I'll be reborn But I only dream Yes- oh yes If I open them eyes They'd show me water And no air They'd show a resemblance Of my soul Lost in waters Waters ? dark as night One day up To the sun One day down To the ground All power's gone Feel like a mermaid though Feel I belong there Deep down below All life Heavy weight at my feed Drags me down If it wasn't for the waves I'd be down there If all was still I'd never see the sun How does it feel When you get lost In your own mind I'm a prisoner Forever tumbling in waters Thrown from side to side In the river of feeling Into the eternal ocean The black ocean At least that'll be quiet Will make me feel at peace In that river I feel alive Though tossed and turned When I reach the ocean If I ever I'll be dead I'll be lost Completely No chance of escape I'm scared of water Salted water that springs from My heart I live forever I cannot swim I have to drown to live I'm hanging on strings It's decided If one day that tumbling ended I will have nothing God ? I pray don't Ever let it end Don't leave me stranded Couldn't cope with peace God ? please I rest my case Cannot talk With water in my Lungs God cannot hear me Anyway From so far deep down Why do I even try To reach him It's absolutely pointless. ----------- i was going through a [...] time - don't even have a word for it now. hugs jj x
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I am really relating to your poems JJ. Thank you for posting them. Peace & Love 2 U.
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thank you kittay, you're very kind. hugs jj x
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I also happen to love your "stuff". Very deep and creative. Am always humbled by the genius of other's works. Amazing, jj !!!
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thank you sursteven ops: hugs jj x