Long Distance Love
Dear Bitter Single Guy: To start off I love your website. It has really given me an insight in relationships that I haven’t had before.
Well here I go. I am 19 years old. I took a year off from school because of financial reasons. I’ve only had one previous relationship until a couple of months ago. I met this guy through an online game and clicked with him. He is 21 and lives in Indiana (I live in Florida). We talked for some weeks and we started developing feelings towards each other. He told me that I am everything he has ever looked for, and also that he would love to be with me forever.
When he told me that I became really confused because after all I am still very young. We decided to stop talking for some days and after a couple of days we started talking again. We have deep feelings towards each other and I really do love him. I am worried what might happen in the future. He told me that for him the long distance did not matter and after I start school in fall we will be able to see each other more frequently (I am going to school in Rhode Island).
What specifically worries me is that we are very different. We have different ideas in religion, society, music, books, etc. Even through all of this he still loves me and he still tells me he wants to be with me forever. I am still really skeptical and scared. What can I do? ~In Long Distance Love~
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Dear ILDL: The Bitter Single Guy thinks you are one of the smartest and most eloquent 19 year olds who have ever written him! He has high hopes for your future, ILDL. That aside, the BSG doesn’t think your relationship has any hopes whatsoever.
First, because he’s that literal guy, the BSG had to do a quick check of Lion-Hearted Lad’s math. The BSG’s quick look found that, even assuming the middle of Florida (Orlando) and not the end, the difference in miles between Florida and Indiana isn’t really much more than the distance from Rhode Island to Indiana. Perhaps the BSG has a different take on the whole space-time continuum, but this was his first suspicion that Lion-Hearted Lad is not firing on all cylinders.
Mileage estimates aside ILDL, the BSG just has to tell you that the chances of this relationship working out are similar to the chances of winning the lottery. And, like the lottery, there are people who occasionally win and it is fun to think about how great it would be to win, but that doesn’t change the fact that the VAST majority of folks who hope they win the lottery don’t. Similarly, the vast majority of folks who enter into a long-distance relationship with the hopes that it will be successful are disappointed.
Here’s what you have to do ILDL: tell Lion-Hearted Lad that you care deeply for him and look forward to continuing your long distance communication once you get to school, but that you can’t be in a long distance relationship with him. At this point, the BSG thinks you can safely make an excuse up, or can be honest with him. It won’t matter much because if Lion-Hearted Lad is willing to make a forever-promise to someone he only communicates with online, then he’s going to make up whatever story he wants to explain your departure.
But depart you must. Otherwise, you’ll drag this out and be forced to end it when it just gets weirder than it already is.
By the way, please don’t tell the BSG that your love for Lion-Hearted Lad hasn’t yet included exchanging pictures of each other or a live conversation on the phone. If that’s true, the BSG wants to take back some of his comments about your brilliance in the beginning of his letter. If that’s true, he wants you to let the common sense voice in your head (that you’ve been drowning out for the past months) finally be heard. Good luck in school. ~BSG~